I thought I had enough of politics after being immersed in news and views on Mayawati and the UP elections. But there is another equally exciting and new trend emerging---- P.G. politics. I live in a pg, that is, as a paying guest, basically a private hostel. It's quite good actually in terms of food, the room and basic facilities provided to us. Things were quite Ok in the beginning and I was very happy here after shifting from my old pg, which was quite quite a nightmare (there was a camera in the kitchen too so that the landlady could spy on the maid or wotever).
I knew the glory days would end soon and I would get to see the reality any day. It was sooner than I had expected. When I had come finalise the PG, I had no idea that you had to pay separately for the A.C., I asked all the questions except this one and she conveniently didn't tell me. Later when I found out, there was not much I could do about it, so had to accept the situation.
Let's come to my roommate now. D is not bad, although she is always caked up and totally high-maintanence (applies make-up right after brushing and even before having breakfast). Nevertheless, I never really had any issues with her as we both mind our own business. But D has the problem of feeling hot, very hot. She feels hot all the time, some astrologer has even given her stones to keep her cool. But before you start fantasising about my "hot" roommate, let me tell you that she is driving me mad. D needs the A.C. all time, her condition is worse than those Alpine sheepdogs. Although I don't need it that much, considering the fan is right on top of my bed, I agreed to what she said as it's her room too. She first wanted it to be on for an hour, I agreed, till 3 in the morning, I agreed, till 7 in the morning, I agreed. But that was not enough for her.
Today morning she and Lady (my apparently sweet landlady) attacked me from both sides saying that the AC will be on till we wake up. And they went on and on about how hot it is here blah blah blah, I lost my temper too. I told her that I have kept the AC on according to whenever D tells me to and if she wants the time to be increased she should come and tell me instead of cribbing to mommy and Lady. And if I feel cold, I will switch it off for a while since it is my room too. But those two empty heads kept on sticking to their points and talking illogically. Lady suddenly says my steel trunk is causing problems as the maid hurts herself in the lock all the time. How stupid is that?? Why does she go near the lock anyway or does she follow some weird walking ritual that she hits herself on the suitcase? So now Lady wants it to be removed. As you wish my lady.
Our's is 3-seater, so there is room for another girl. Two girls came to see the PG and they wanted 2 seats, but we had only one available seat. Lady says she will make the PG 4-seater, ask D to shift from her big single bed to my one and give the girls the single bed. Oh what an arrangement! I don't like to generalise but Lady is the perfect embodiment of the typical people of this place who just want money, money and more money, judge people on the basis of their bank balance and are thoroughly uneducated. Anyway, I protested and she reluctantly agreed, now a new girl is coming next week onwards.
God I am so angry. I am thinking of shifting to a flat, if this goes on. Have my exams in June, and after that I will start looking for a place. I have tried to adjust as much as I can, but there is a limit to compromising. I prefer living alone than losing my sleep over these manupulative smooth operators. I don't want to run but sometimes to maintain your peace of mind you have to be away from the situation. There will be more problems, of a different kind, I will deal with it accordingly. But I need my space and how I deal with it is my decision and others don't have a right to pass judgment on anything.
Politics oh politics!
Tuesday, 15 May 2007
Monday, 14 May 2007
Heaven
Ok, don't let the title confuse you into thinking that I am going to talk about theology and philosophical issues here. Satan is right when he says, "The mind is its own place, and in itself/Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."
I had the most amazing time when I went to Bangalore to meet A. It was a short trip, only 3 days. And I didn't even realise when I was back in Delhi. Everything happened so fast that I didn't have time to recall what happened there. So although this posting is of no interest to you, please bear with me and let me indulge myself.
I took a late night flight to Bangalore and was really tired. But in spite of almost dozing off at the airport, I couldn't stop myself from smiling after every two seconds. People must have thought I was crazy. I was meeting A after 3 months and couldn't wait to see him again. The flight wasn't late but we went via Hyderabad. Luckily most of the people got down there and I made the 3 seats my bed. The cabin crew also didn't disturb me. As we flew over Bangalore, I was so excited, it was almost 2 a.m. and there were millions of lights glittering in the city below. A lives here, I thought. We landed and I tried to fix my hair, I was looking so tired and I wanted to be pretty for A. I switched my mobile phone on and immediately I got a call from him. But I didn't answer it as I was on roaming. So A sent a message "Welcome."
After what seemed to be a long wait, I got my luggage and went out. There he was talking to someone on phone. Then he saw me too. And he got flowers!!! He got flowers!!! I had thought of telling him earlier but that would sort of ruin the moment. And I was so happy to see the roses which he had kept fresh with some secret solution from the florist. He is such a genius. :)
Then we went to his house, it was really nice. I also met his friends but was very tired so didn't talk much. I was so happy. The next few days we visited friends, went to some amazing places for dinner, made mushroom curry and he prepared his special ghee-garlic bread. Oh his list! I still have it with me. It consists of in-depth research about places to visit in Bangalore. Bangalore is really beautiful, gulmohar trees in full bloom, nice roads, though much smaller than Delhi. The people are more decent and not creeps like the ones here. (Hey!!! A just came online and I am chatting with him too!!!)
Anyway the best moments were walks at M.G. Road, Garuda Mall, Scary House (I screamed so much that my voice was hoarse and I think I entertained a lot of people with my dramatic exit), SOS, Lalbagh, CCD (with the little furry mouse and friendly waiters) and CASA DEL SOL. I recommend it to everyone, it was so beautiful. We had the best table too, nice breeze, and some amazing singer singing all my favourite songs. I wanted to start dancing like crazy and was almost dragging A. (I swear it had nothing to do with the cocktail; A always ends up taking the light ones while I unknowingly choose the stronger ones and poor guy has to spend the rest of the evening being my grandfather). It was so romantic and I will never forget the evening.
But I started feeling depressed the next day onwards, so came back early; it was again the start of endless lonely days without A. The World Cup final was going on and we watched it for a while with his friends. But I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that I was leaving and would be alone again. Cried a lot. A lot. Felt like packing A in my bag and taking him to Delhi. Next day early morning, we went to the airport. After my baggage check was over, I went back to A. I wanted to be with him as much as possible. But I couldn't go out. We talked to each other through the glass partition. After shaking hands through the small slit in the partition, I left. I knew he was feeling horrible too and would feel worse after going home. I called him again after security check was over and kept on crying although I didn't want him to know that. After a while, I was back in Delhi, p.g., office. Alone.
After office I almost imagined him to call google and find out the addresses of the restaurants, as we used to every day. But there was no one with me, just smiling couples everywhere out on a Sunday evening.
I know the whole thing sounds like those mushy romantic flicks. But this my life and this is no fiction but the reality that I have to face everyday. We want to be with each other but cannot due to career concerns. But it is really difficult to be away from him, not sharing the little things, not being able to see each other, simply not having him around. It's been almost 5 years that we have lived miles away and at least 3 more to go. The whole thing overwhelms me and I don't know how to handle it. I don't know what lies ahead, but I hope it doesn't hurt so much and I remain sane when we are finally together.
Oh the Heaven part... In Casa Del Sol the singer was singing Bryan Adams' Heaven and it aptly sums up my visit to Bangalore and being with A... if anything is close to Heaven this is it.
I had the most amazing time when I went to Bangalore to meet A. It was a short trip, only 3 days. And I didn't even realise when I was back in Delhi. Everything happened so fast that I didn't have time to recall what happened there. So although this posting is of no interest to you, please bear with me and let me indulge myself.
I took a late night flight to Bangalore and was really tired. But in spite of almost dozing off at the airport, I couldn't stop myself from smiling after every two seconds. People must have thought I was crazy. I was meeting A after 3 months and couldn't wait to see him again. The flight wasn't late but we went via Hyderabad. Luckily most of the people got down there and I made the 3 seats my bed. The cabin crew also didn't disturb me. As we flew over Bangalore, I was so excited, it was almost 2 a.m. and there were millions of lights glittering in the city below. A lives here, I thought. We landed and I tried to fix my hair, I was looking so tired and I wanted to be pretty for A. I switched my mobile phone on and immediately I got a call from him. But I didn't answer it as I was on roaming. So A sent a message "Welcome."
After what seemed to be a long wait, I got my luggage and went out. There he was talking to someone on phone. Then he saw me too. And he got flowers!!! He got flowers!!! I had thought of telling him earlier but that would sort of ruin the moment. And I was so happy to see the roses which he had kept fresh with some secret solution from the florist. He is such a genius. :)
Then we went to his house, it was really nice. I also met his friends but was very tired so didn't talk much. I was so happy. The next few days we visited friends, went to some amazing places for dinner, made mushroom curry and he prepared his special ghee-garlic bread. Oh his list! I still have it with me. It consists of in-depth research about places to visit in Bangalore. Bangalore is really beautiful, gulmohar trees in full bloom, nice roads, though much smaller than Delhi. The people are more decent and not creeps like the ones here. (Hey!!! A just came online and I am chatting with him too!!!)
Anyway the best moments were walks at M.G. Road, Garuda Mall, Scary House (I screamed so much that my voice was hoarse and I think I entertained a lot of people with my dramatic exit), SOS, Lalbagh, CCD (with the little furry mouse and friendly waiters) and CASA DEL SOL. I recommend it to everyone, it was so beautiful. We had the best table too, nice breeze, and some amazing singer singing all my favourite songs. I wanted to start dancing like crazy and was almost dragging A. (I swear it had nothing to do with the cocktail; A always ends up taking the light ones while I unknowingly choose the stronger ones and poor guy has to spend the rest of the evening being my grandfather). It was so romantic and I will never forget the evening.
But I started feeling depressed the next day onwards, so came back early; it was again the start of endless lonely days without A. The World Cup final was going on and we watched it for a while with his friends. But I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that I was leaving and would be alone again. Cried a lot. A lot. Felt like packing A in my bag and taking him to Delhi. Next day early morning, we went to the airport. After my baggage check was over, I went back to A. I wanted to be with him as much as possible. But I couldn't go out. We talked to each other through the glass partition. After shaking hands through the small slit in the partition, I left. I knew he was feeling horrible too and would feel worse after going home. I called him again after security check was over and kept on crying although I didn't want him to know that. After a while, I was back in Delhi, p.g., office. Alone.
After office I almost imagined him to call google and find out the addresses of the restaurants, as we used to every day. But there was no one with me, just smiling couples everywhere out on a Sunday evening.
I know the whole thing sounds like those mushy romantic flicks. But this my life and this is no fiction but the reality that I have to face everyday. We want to be with each other but cannot due to career concerns. But it is really difficult to be away from him, not sharing the little things, not being able to see each other, simply not having him around. It's been almost 5 years that we have lived miles away and at least 3 more to go. The whole thing overwhelms me and I don't know how to handle it. I don't know what lies ahead, but I hope it doesn't hurt so much and I remain sane when we are finally together.
Oh the Heaven part... In Casa Del Sol the singer was singing Bryan Adams' Heaven and it aptly sums up my visit to Bangalore and being with A... if anything is close to Heaven this is it.
Sunday, 13 May 2007
Just a start...
Ok... I really don't know what to write. ("I don't know" is one of my oft-used phrases, by the way.) It's not that there's nothing on my mind. In fact, I am always so overloaded with thoughts that I keep getting lost in them. I think of a hundred things simultaneously and then become happy or depressed. So what do I write about???
Like I said in my intro, I have never been into blogs, I used to write a diary once in a while. But nowadays there is so much work that I have stopped doing that and sometimes trouble a lot of people with my non-stop musings. So I think it's better if I start posting here, at least I will remain normal and won't go crazy.
I am lonely.
But I guess I am not the only one who feels that. It's ironic that this same string of thought is experienced by so many people but still everyone feels alone.
Hmm... I didn't want such a pensive beginning to my blog but all my postings will be influenced by my current mood and I am sort of depressed now. Things are going a little crazy these days. Work is ok, but not great. Studies, I don't know... I miss home, have bad dreams and going through a tough time in my relationship. Long distance you see. More about that later. Just dealing with the little things in life has become such a nuisance. You have to fight so much, be assertive or the other person tries to walk on you. It's more difficult to deal with these grinning hyenas when by nature you are a docile rabbit. And of course, there are people who love to lend you a sympathetic ear and feel better about their lives by hearing your miseries.
I am sleepy. Watched a late-night show of Spiderman 3, quite good actually, a little senti at the end, but it was nice. I keep changing topics and write whatever comes to my mind. It's supposed to be my virtual scribbles after all. And now it's another day in office. Have to force myself to smile sometimes, don't want to have worry lines on my forehead, especially when there is no one to softly pat the crease away.
So, this is just a start, there's more to follow. Maybe I will be in a better mood then. And I feel quite happy that I have started writing here. Have to be ready to face the baddies now. But it's a strange world where anything can happen.
And beware when the rabbit roars.
Like I said in my intro, I have never been into blogs, I used to write a diary once in a while. But nowadays there is so much work that I have stopped doing that and sometimes trouble a lot of people with my non-stop musings. So I think it's better if I start posting here, at least I will remain normal and won't go crazy.
I am lonely.
But I guess I am not the only one who feels that. It's ironic that this same string of thought is experienced by so many people but still everyone feels alone.
Hmm... I didn't want such a pensive beginning to my blog but all my postings will be influenced by my current mood and I am sort of depressed now. Things are going a little crazy these days. Work is ok, but not great. Studies, I don't know... I miss home, have bad dreams and going through a tough time in my relationship. Long distance you see. More about that later. Just dealing with the little things in life has become such a nuisance. You have to fight so much, be assertive or the other person tries to walk on you. It's more difficult to deal with these grinning hyenas when by nature you are a docile rabbit. And of course, there are people who love to lend you a sympathetic ear and feel better about their lives by hearing your miseries.
I am sleepy. Watched a late-night show of Spiderman 3, quite good actually, a little senti at the end, but it was nice. I keep changing topics and write whatever comes to my mind. It's supposed to be my virtual scribbles after all. And now it's another day in office. Have to force myself to smile sometimes, don't want to have worry lines on my forehead, especially when there is no one to softly pat the crease away.
So, this is just a start, there's more to follow. Maybe I will be in a better mood then. And I feel quite happy that I have started writing here. Have to be ready to face the baddies now. But it's a strange world where anything can happen.
And beware when the rabbit roars.
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